Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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