did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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