oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
