Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Found your dick twin last night
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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