I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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