I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
There's even glitter on my cock...
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