its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just want nice things and good sex
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Is Oprah even human
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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