I think I am morally bankrupt
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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