I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
