she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
