I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize