don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
