My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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