its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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