and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
