The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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