Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
did i walk over a car last night?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
