I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
