im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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