I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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