I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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