I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
