Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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