I understand Curling. That high.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
