the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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