remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
