I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
