Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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