My hair reeks of homosexuality.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
