If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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