Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
