real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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