just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
