You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
