there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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