Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
