just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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