Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
