i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
