fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
