he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
