Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My liver is preforming stress tests.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
