I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
