I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
