I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
