This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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