so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
