if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
