just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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