and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
