It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
