I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
