I just threw up on my dentist
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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