I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
