Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
