Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
