Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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