shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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