Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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