All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
