i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
