My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
