i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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