There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
