just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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