; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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