Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize