I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
oh god the rape fog is back!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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