ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
