He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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