What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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