i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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