ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want her autograph on my taint
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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