the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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