It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
