just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize